Confessionals of Monica

[Monica Bellucci]

1) What do you think of the bottom 2 last week?

Well, I'm crushed to see Penelope out of the competition. Brandi/Reesedrew has always been one of my favorite people in this series, and it sucks so much to see her go. But then again it means that my chances of being the only All Stars threepeat go up, so that's always special.

Of course, Emilia's amazingly disproportionate smugness and Dita's being Dita completely ruin everything. I mean, seriously. It sucks to go out early when you have a great celebrity picked, and on a nailbiter tiebreaker. Believe me, I've been there, and it blows chunks. To have people rub salt in the wound makes it that much worse.

2) Who do you think is your biggest competitor/s right now?

Everybody. I'm getting my tail kicked, and it frustrates the hell outta me. Kirsten is set to take it all the way, probably.

3) Did you surprised to see any particular model/s made it to Week 4?

Dita. I think she looks like a whorse, which is a whorish horse that's suffering from several nasty STDs. Beyond that... nah. I don't bother wondering who's going to succeed or fail. I focus on me.

[Monica Bellucci]

Also, my photoshoot is up. You don't have to look at it. You just have to rank it +12.

[Monica Bellucci]

So... we saw the Judges' Save get played this round, and I don't know how to feel about it.

On the one hand, I'm elated that I got a first callout. I haven't been performing nearly as well as I would have liked to be this time around, and it's nice to have at least some modicum of hope that I won't have sucked outrageously. Seriously, though. So happy. I got permission from my girlfriend's parents to ask her to marry me today, and getting FCO was like the cherry on top of a seriously awesome sundae.

On the other hand, watching Dita get saved was like... I can't even think of a good analogy. It's like if, when Colton got medically evacuated in One World, he suddenly got better and hopped off the stretcher and got to keep playing. Massive threat who probably was going to win gets eliminated... and then comes back. That's exactly how it feels.

Don't get me wrong, judges. I understand the rationale perfectly. Personally, though, I'd have wanted to save the Save for an elimination more like Rachel's in Cycle 10, where they obviously stood a phenomenal chance at making the end, and they were completely robbed. There's still enough game left that nothing's set in stone, and saving Dita increases the likelihood that Kirsten or Kate, or someone else deserving will get shafted. Admittedly, as far as I can tell they're all part of the Bestest-Westest Friendship Club, so it's not like them getting gypped would make me upset or anything.

On a related note, thank goodness I didn't have to give out points for the reward. Penelope and Danielle were my only friends, so I have no idea who I'd have given the points to. Probably Marion and Jennifer, since they seem to be the only ones who aren't receiving regular handouts from the "People Whose Names Begin With K" First Callout Foundation on a regular basis.

[Amanda Kimmel]

The last round we could use the save was final six. We would not have been able to save Rachel last season as it was too late.

I think Dita has the potential to go far. I sort of wish we had held onto the save but Dita was one of the five I thought was worth it. You are another of those five.
(now make the end again! )


Congrats on the permission! You have a plan in mind?

[Monica Bellucci]

Well, as I said, I understand the rationale. I personally would have waited longer, but I understand the rationale.

In other news, Eliza Doucheku can go die of syphilis. I had a feeling that Dita would tell her crew of besties what the shoot was, and they'd all rush to claim ones they knew were good, so that I don't particularly mind. It's part of the game. I don't play the alliance game, and I don't really respect people who rely on others (unless it's their first time, in which case I understand it. I got feedback from a few people in season four, after all.), but that's how it goes.

What does grind my gears is her barely beating me to the punch after the shoot was posted slightly late, causing my non-refreshing phone to have a freakout, and then bragging about it. Like, are you kidding me? You beat me by a matter of seconds, and now I have to find another photo.

See, most people would at least apologize and wish the other person good luck. This is what sane people do. "Oh, did I take the thing you want? Sorry about that."

But, no. Not Eliza. Eliza is a master of technology, who types like a demon. Eliza once typed so fast that her keyboard started on fire, but she managed to save the day by typing a 12,300 word email to the fire department in the two seconds she had before the keys melted. One time, Eliza typed the complete text of Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace" in under six minutes while asleep. In fact, the Guiness World Records book doesn't have a page about typing any more, because Eliza breaks Speed Typing records faster than Guiness can record them. Eliza is that good at typing. And she needs to let the world know that she, some random person who pretends to be Eliza Dushku on the internet, kicked the ass of a guy in a Wal-Mart bathroom who couldn't type properly because he got his index finger caught in a mower blade. Because that, my friends, is what true champions do.

"Nyah! Nyah! I'm faster than you are!"


"Hey, Gimpy, we're totally better at dancing than you!"


"Hey, Beethoven, you should totally check out this new Glee song. Oh, wait, you can't, because you're deaf. Ha ha!"


"That's right, Sparky! Checkmate! Now cry like the little bitch you are!"

[Monica Bellucci]

In less mockable news, I found out Kirsten's real identity. I officially want her to win, because she's one of my favorite people in the history of this series ever. Plus she's been kicking butt as Kirsten Dunst, which I would never have seen coming. I mean, don't get me wrong, Kirsten is awesome, but she has a really generic girl-next-door kind of look, and I personally wouldn't go, "Oh, this looks like someone who would dominate a fashion game."

But, that just goes to show how little I know, apparently. Good on 'er.

As well, I am very happy to have made the final nine. In a perfect world I'd make the finale again, or at least Covergirl, to keep the streak alive (Never been in the bottom two, and have always made it to the Covergirl shoot, where I always get b*slapped for some reason that makes no sense to me, and is completely different from all of the reasons I got b*slapped the other times), but the competition is pretty fierce, so I'm just happy to have made it to the top row.

[Hayley Williams]

I have to agree with you about Kirsten Dunst being a surprising choice. I never thought she was really that attractive. She always had a Plain Jane look for me. However, it's a lesson to never underestimate a model choice.

[Monica Bellucci]

Yeah, no kidding. I actually spent a lot of time looking at portfolios to decide who I was going to play as this cycle, and I initially considered both Rachel Weisz and Isla Fischer, but their portfolios were both a bit smaller than I was comfortable with (Liv's was a stretch at times, and Emmy's gave me migraines, so I wanted something nicer), and then I realized that Emma Watson has only been modelling for like... what, five years? And in ninety percent of those photos she looks ten years old. After having been through more cycles, I absolutely cannot believe that I made it to the end with that small of a portfolio.

[Monica Bellucci]

Well, damn.

I don't honestly know what to say about those shoot results, to be honest. Looking at everything else, I have a hard time seeing that I deserved the atrocious scores I got, but I guess this is one of those situations where I apparently interpreted the theme in a way that was completely different from everybody else. I've always felt that theme takes a backseat to picture quality, but apparently that's not the case this round. Or something.

In other news, I'm now completely screwed and will only make it as high as third place if there's some kind of divine intervention in place. Oh well. I'm having fun, and I guess that's really the important part. Besides, it could be worse. By rights I should have been eliminated this round, so I guess I'll just be happy with the fact that I'm in the final six, and work extra hard next round.

In a perfect world I'll make it as far as the final four again, because, let's face it, I'm one of those pride-filled jerks who can't stand the thought of breaking a perfectly good track record, because it feels embarrassing to suck after having previously been awesome. But, mneh. I've made it this far playing as someone who's almost fifty. That's a pretty freakin' good achievement all by itself.

[Monica Bellucci]

Well, uh... wow. Didn't see that one comin'.

I don't really know how to feel about this.

On the one hand... YAY I MADE THE FINALS AGAIN! That means my worst placing ever in this series is fourth. That's downright pimpin'. (Of course, next season's gonna break that record, mark my words. )

On the other hand... It's kind of a downer having everybody saying outright that I suck and don't deserve it. Well, the Covergirl shoot has screwed over some pretty deserving players in the past, and I have no doubt that it'll do so in the future. I'm well aware that both Kate and Dita were stronger overall than I was, and I understand their frustration. Not a fan of the histrionics, though.

But, meh. I was pretty bitchy about my exit in cycle nine, so I'm hardly one to talk.

[Amanda Kimmel]

Dita made personal attacks against me, so you have every right to not be a fan of her remarks. Her attitude is horrible, unsportsmanlike, immature, and vulgar. I'm just going to be the bigger person and not deal with that. I'll let her be the toad.

Now I know I shouldn't be backtalking her, but if she's going to personally insult me to the extent she did, I have every reason to say those things... and then just let them go.

[Dita Von Teese]

Before I read the rest of your confessional: im up to your Eliza rant. I was pissing myself laughing at those images.

Just FYI, I only told Eliza about the muses. The rest figured it out themselves.

[Monica Bellucci]

Yeah... I was having an epicly bad day that day. But at least when I'm mean I'm funny.

[Eliza Dushku]

EXCUSSEEEEE MEEEEEEE

[Dita Von Teese]

It's funny because it's almost exactly what Eliza would actually say in those situations in real life.